Sunday, May 8, 2011

Finally...

after 1 year and 20 days of not updating my blog,i am finally updating it with a new post..
haish....come to think of it,this blog died 1 yr ago because i was too lazy to update it...
so here it goes.....

today is Mother's Day....
but.......
it doesn't feel like it Mother's Day at all....
it sucks big time....
i have nowhere to turn to...
i can't turn to facebook to post my unhappiness...
or else,
my brothers will see it...
haish....come to think of it,
i really lead a very sad life.....not just sad,but in fact,
A PATHETIC LIFE...
it sucks big time...
one problem after the other...
seriously,just fuck my life....
all these yrs,i am like a guinea pig...
instead of my older brothers getting scolded for what they did,
i am the one getting all the blame...
it suck....
this morning when i woke up,
as usual,i check my facebook updates on my phone...
and i thought,"okay,i should help her out in the kitchen today..."
but in the end,when i came up to her if there is anything i could help,
she just ignored me...
and i was like............."speechless"
i was ready to help,and she ignored me....
and i began to wonder,did i do anything wrong the day before or what?..
"is it because i return home late?...but i returned before 11pm what??..."
haish...seriously,this is so unreasonable...
then when i started to use the com,
not even after 4-5 hrs of using the com,
she started nagging for no reason...
she started to say...
"why do i have a daughter like her??...so lazy...cannot be dependable...
must she do things if i ask her to do??..."
then she goes on...talking to herself...
"when i say something,she will rebut me...i say one sentence,she talk back 10 sentence..."
seriously when i hear that,it really hit me...
DAMN IT!...I HAVEN'T REALLY SAY A WORD THE MOMENT SHE STARTED NAGGING...
AND NOW,SHE IS ACCUSING ME A LOT OF THINGS...
WTH??...SERIOUSLY,FML!..
for all these while,she has began to accuse me of things which i really didn't do.
..
why must she do these to me??...
to make my life miserable?...is that it???...
to think of it also,for the past 17 years,i was never able to know what's in her mind...
i really don't understand her....
can someone tell me the answer?...
i really wanna know the answer...
sometimes,i really do envy my friends who have doting parents...
every mother's or father's day,they will like so happy celebrating...
but why me??...why do i have to go through this unhappiness??...
WHY???
up till now,i really don't have the answer...
is it because of me??...my character??...my attitude??...
but seriously...who can they blame?...
i followed them as i have their genes...
but again,i really don't understand...
my life sucks big time because of what i am going through...
now,i see all my friends facebook updates...
all happily celebrating mother's day...
while for me,i just get a scolding.....
FML....
haish...
can i be able to hold on?....
i'm beginning to have doubts....
i wanna cry but i am holding it in...
i don't wanna lose my tears just because of this....
i've cried tons of time because of this...
and i don't really wanna cry because of this...
everything seems to be so sucky to me...

i wanna talk to u...
but i don't have the courage to....
how do i get to talk to u??
when do i get the chance to talk to u??
all these question have been popping in mind the first time i started to like u....
ever since we graduated,
i didn't get the chance to see u at all...
the last time i saw u was only the result day....
and after that,no more...
all these while,
i've been missing u....
and u don't even know that...
all because,
u were really not aware of my feelings towards u....
i'm really scared that one day,
u will be really taken away by someone else....
and by then,i will totally regret not knowing u......
i'm really scared....
i have no one by my side...
to be able to share my unhappiness...
and i really wish that...
i have u by my side to listen to my stories...
but then again,..
u really don't know me in the first place...
this is life...
fates toying with our feelings...
should i talk to u??...
or should i wait for u to talk to me??...
seriously,i think our feeling are toying with us...
haish...
maybe,..
i should just wait...

to my friends,
who have been with me for the past few years....
i thank u for being my listening ear each time i have my difficulties..
thank u very much..
i appreciate it lots...
thanks you for understanding me all these while...
and putting up with my stupid character and attitude...
i know it must have been very sucky to put up with me...
with that,i would like to say sorry...
sorry for doing that to you...
i love you guys...
*my longest good friend of 9 yrs-Ateeqah♥♥♥♥♥
*my longest good friend of 9 yrs-Khatika♥♥♥♥♥
*my best friend of 6 yrs-Hanisah♥♥♥♥♥♥
*my best friend of 6 yrs- Fairuz♥♥♥♥♥♥
*my best friend of 5 yrs-Umairah♥♥♥♥♥♥
*my best friend of 4 yrs-Munawwarah♥♥♥♥♥♥
*my good friend of 4 yrs-Hazirah♥♥♥♥♥
*my good friend of 4 yrs-Afieqah♥♥♥♥♥
*my long lost good friend of 4 yrs-Fiyah♥♥♥♥
*my good younger brother of 5 yrs-Alex♥♥♥♥
*my good sis-in law of 5 yrs-Shi Wen♥♥♥♥
*my good friend of 3 yrs-Wan Si♥♥♥♥
*my good friend of 3 yrs-Alfred♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.....Finally......us........♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

*Lastly, hyyyymm♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

P.S: i am not a stalker...lols...
they are my friends..lol^.^
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥



giving up on you is impossible
3:27 PM